At this point in my life I am a little frustrated. I work with men and women that are, supposedly, attempting to recover form alcohol and addiction. I am trying to help them obtain the skills that they need to be able to pass the GED.
I need to back up for a second. Some of these men and women are court ordered. Some of them really want a fresh start. It is about fifty-fifty at this point on who wants to be here and who doesn't. The ones that don't, however, are a pain in my backside. They are rude and belligerent. Shocker. Been there, done that. I really don't know quite what to do with the snotty ones. Some of them want to get kicked out. I'm torn between kicking them out and making them stay just for spite. In the end, I really don't have a say. The people with control over these people have said that this class is mandatory. Yeah for me.
I will tell you that some of these individuals, more likely men... it is what it is, are really motivated. They are driven. These I can work with. Some are so unfocused that I am fairly sure that the that they used caused irreparable damage. It is either that or they just want me to do their work for them and they figure that I will break down at some point and just do it. Hmmmm.... I take option 2. As a mom, it would be really easy to do their work for them, but since I can't take their test, I can't do their work. I fight myself every day on this one, but I haven't given in... there is no "yet" in that statement because I have determined that I won't. Period.
I have one gentleman that is exceedingly rude to me... wait, I have two... I think that I just want to run away. I guess if you add all of this little stuff to the bigger things going on in my life, I feel overwhelmed. I just want to get in my car and run to the beach or the mountains... somewhere relaxing where I can just be by myself. Calgon take me away!
Normally, I can be fairly adept at dealing with different temperaments. The teaching thing I am honestly not afraid of... I don't have to know everything. There is no shame in asking someone else for help in an area where I am weak. None at all. However, this personality issue is me. I know that I should expect them not to be perfect, but I wouldn't treat a dog I disliked as poorly as some of them treat me. And Boy, do they get angry when I call them on it or write them up! I love people who do not take responsibility for their actions... it's my favorite thing in the world.
I guess that I need to evaluate if this really is the job for me. I thought that it was going to be great. Parts of it are great. Some of it is so stressful and I don't know that I'm the right person for it at this point... maybe not ever. I had so many people tell me how much I fell short of the person that held this department last. That is pleasant. I was told more than once that "I was no Miss Gina". Of course not! I'm me, and for better or worse I was asked to do this because it was needed... especially because my company was not given a whole lot of notice. I was the best that they could do. I know, pathetic, but there you have it.
If anyone has any ideas on how to manage early twenty-something's (that have just come off of ) attitudes, let me know. I would sure appreciate any ideas that I could get my hands on.
Love to you all out there, Muffinhound
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Monday, August 6, 2007
A Little Bit of Ugly!
I have a friend that lives in another state and is going through a really rough patch right now. She is in the middle of a divorce that is destined to get ugly. He is a prison guard that fancies himself as far more than a corrections officer. He is "super trooper" or something lame like that.
Most institutions do not allow the employees to carry anything more than a baton, but when this, ahem, gentleman goes out in public, he wears his gun. So you don't flip out, they live in Arizona so it is quite alright to carry a gun as long as it remains visible. Then again, anyone and their mother can get a concealed weapons permit there. However, maybe the prospect of having to wear pink boxers in an un-airconditioned building in the desert is a deterrent for crime. Or maybe just the thought of meeting this ego-maniacal freak keeps them at bay. Who knows. Anyway, he wants people that see him to think that he is a police officer instead of a corrections officer.
Now my friend is not perfect. She has always been so competent that anyone could be intimidated. She could always do anything set in front of her. She is extremely intelligent and has exceptionally sharp wit. And a sharp tongue. You can expect that she will shoot straight with you. Well, when a man enters into that kind of life that whether he admits it or not has confidence and self-esteem issues, he does not need a woman that belittles him for not being able to do all of the things that come effortlessly to her. That about sums up her position.
Now for the super-fun part. This gentleman spends money like there is no tomorrow. He spent $1200, which they didn't really have, on ammo for his guns. He has a temper that is exceedingly violent. He has never hit my friend, but he has screamed at his 4 year old daughter, calling her a little "F". He has punched holes in walls and doors. He now wants custody half of the time so that he does not have to pay too much child support. He barely held his six month old baby before the divorce stuff started. They have three little girls. I am so sad for them.
Add to all of that the fact that he has cheated on her at least once. Not so sure about the first time... I was living there and he was acting weird. People had seen him about town with a girl other than my friend. Don't know... not going to assume.
I feel so bad for both of them... yes, both of them. When I met him, He was fun to be around and we would have them over all of the time. We had babies at the same time and went to movies together. We watched football and baseball together. We used to hang out and enjoy one another. My friend tried to get counseling by herself and with him. He just wasn't having it. He already has (had???) a girlfriend. Unfortunately, all of our old friends in Arizona aren't surprised. That kind of upsets me because I want to ask some of them if they knew that this might happen, why weren't they checking up on them? Why weren't they calling both of them on their crud? Marriage is a whole lot easier when you don't hang around people that blow smoke up your butt.
The other reason why this is sad is it brings into focus the thought of longevity in your own relationships. I can understand why people might say that this divorce really isn't shocking; they had been having problems for years. The reason why we couldn't be of help was that my husband did take this gentleman aside and asked him if he thought he was doing the right thing in his marriage. The guy decided not to talk to my husband and me again. Oh well on that one. However, back to my point, some marriages that you see end are seemingly happy, alive unions. They seem truly in love. They share interests and support one another. Those are the ones that really make you think... if it happened to them it could happen to me. That is a sobering thought.
I have truthfully thought about leaving my marriage and my husband is a decent guy! My problem has always been a restlessness and a need to battle my inner boredom. That's all. And my husband is really, really normal. I am a little bit myself, but I also like to do wild and fun things, too. I will hop a plane to go see a concert in another state if I have the cash. Just for fun. I like the excitement of that kind of freedom and I don't think that needs to end just because you are married. My husband has supported my fun things, but normally does not participate. The other issue was that sometime my husband is so focused on the goals in life that he almost forgets that I'm there. Hey, I'm not complaining; sometimes it's a good thing. However, sometimes it hurts.
The thing that kept me in line was that he didn't really truly do anything unforgivable to me. And that things that he was doing were not really on purpose. He was just insensitive and kind of self absorbed. Like I have never been that! And to be completely candid, the thought of being a single mom and raising four children mostly by myself really held no attraction for me. My children definitely need us both.
Wow, was that a big bunny trail! I just hope that my friends in AZ can somehow come out of this thing semi-whole. I hope that he can step up and be a decent dad and that she could be a little bit more compassionate toward his deficiencies. And really pray that he gets into some kind of anger management therapy... that is a must. I really do hope that they both get help for whatever pain they have from this. I hope that he does okay. I already know that she will.
Love to you all out there, Muffinhound
Most institutions do not allow the employees to carry anything more than a baton, but when this, ahem, gentleman goes out in public, he wears his gun. So you don't flip out, they live in Arizona so it is quite alright to carry a gun as long as it remains visible. Then again, anyone and their mother can get a concealed weapons permit there. However, maybe the prospect of having to wear pink boxers in an un-airconditioned building in the desert is a deterrent for crime. Or maybe just the thought of meeting this ego-maniacal freak keeps them at bay. Who knows. Anyway, he wants people that see him to think that he is a police officer instead of a corrections officer.
Now my friend is not perfect. She has always been so competent that anyone could be intimidated. She could always do anything set in front of her. She is extremely intelligent and has exceptionally sharp wit. And a sharp tongue. You can expect that she will shoot straight with you. Well, when a man enters into that kind of life that whether he admits it or not has confidence and self-esteem issues, he does not need a woman that belittles him for not being able to do all of the things that come effortlessly to her. That about sums up her position.
Now for the super-fun part. This gentleman spends money like there is no tomorrow. He spent $1200, which they didn't really have, on ammo for his guns. He has a temper that is exceedingly violent. He has never hit my friend, but he has screamed at his 4 year old daughter, calling her a little "F". He has punched holes in walls and doors. He now wants custody half of the time so that he does not have to pay too much child support. He barely held his six month old baby before the divorce stuff started. They have three little girls. I am so sad for them.
Add to all of that the fact that he has cheated on her at least once. Not so sure about the first time... I was living there and he was acting weird. People had seen him about town with a girl other than my friend. Don't know... not going to assume.
I feel so bad for both of them... yes, both of them. When I met him, He was fun to be around and we would have them over all of the time. We had babies at the same time and went to movies together. We watched football and baseball together. We used to hang out and enjoy one another. My friend tried to get counseling by herself and with him. He just wasn't having it. He already has (had???) a girlfriend. Unfortunately, all of our old friends in Arizona aren't surprised. That kind of upsets me because I want to ask some of them if they knew that this might happen, why weren't they checking up on them? Why weren't they calling both of them on their crud? Marriage is a whole lot easier when you don't hang around people that blow smoke up your butt.
The other reason why this is sad is it brings into focus the thought of longevity in your own relationships. I can understand why people might say that this divorce really isn't shocking; they had been having problems for years. The reason why we couldn't be of help was that my husband did take this gentleman aside and asked him if he thought he was doing the right thing in his marriage. The guy decided not to talk to my husband and me again. Oh well on that one. However, back to my point, some marriages that you see end are seemingly happy, alive unions. They seem truly in love. They share interests and support one another. Those are the ones that really make you think... if it happened to them it could happen to me. That is a sobering thought.
I have truthfully thought about leaving my marriage and my husband is a decent guy! My problem has always been a restlessness and a need to battle my inner boredom. That's all. And my husband is really, really normal. I am a little bit myself, but I also like to do wild and fun things, too. I will hop a plane to go see a concert in another state if I have the cash. Just for fun. I like the excitement of that kind of freedom and I don't think that needs to end just because you are married. My husband has supported my fun things, but normally does not participate. The other issue was that sometime my husband is so focused on the goals in life that he almost forgets that I'm there. Hey, I'm not complaining; sometimes it's a good thing. However, sometimes it hurts.
The thing that kept me in line was that he didn't really truly do anything unforgivable to me. And that things that he was doing were not really on purpose. He was just insensitive and kind of self absorbed. Like I have never been that! And to be completely candid, the thought of being a single mom and raising four children mostly by myself really held no attraction for me. My children definitely need us both.
Wow, was that a big bunny trail! I just hope that my friends in AZ can somehow come out of this thing semi-whole. I hope that he can step up and be a decent dad and that she could be a little bit more compassionate toward his deficiencies. And really pray that he gets into some kind of anger management therapy... that is a must. I really do hope that they both get help for whatever pain they have from this. I hope that he does okay. I already know that she will.
Love to you all out there, Muffinhound
Random Things of Beauty
Some days I feel like I have woken up with a special pair of eyes. Things just appear differently. It is almost as if my mind is taking pictures of various things that I find. And here is what I see... or a close approximation.
I'm driving to work on a street called Beale. The houses are not in great condition. The neighborhood, frankly, sucks. All of a sudden I look to my right and in front of a well-tended white house stands a woman of some indeterminate ethnicity. She stands at the fence that surrounds the property. What is beautiful about this? She is smiling. From ear to ear. It is not your ordinary smile, it is filled with peace. In that second of time, my heart lifted seeing someone that was at peace with the world and her surroundings, no matter how meager they might seem to spoiled rotten me. I wanted to pull over and ask her to include me. It was beautiful.
A little further down the road is this pink stucco house that I see almost everyday. It was not pink when I first laid eyes on it two years ago. It was grey and ugly. Hey, it is still ugly. But today I looked over and it seemed different somehow. It wasn't really ugly anymore, just worn. The pink exterior took on the look of a house that someone is trying desperately to bring back. It was no longer an eyesore. It was beautiful.
Rewind a day. I was in church on Sunday morning. Besides having a message that rocked my socks off (about Christians not just 'acting' like Christians, but 'being' Christians... God's continuity continues... see the previous blog) I got to experience really blessing the elderly folks in our congregation. As a worship leader, I can pray and pray and pray and still miss the mark with the songs that I choose. It depends on how everyone that is participating is feeling. For Sunday, since I did not know what the message was going to be beforehand, I picked songs that were meaningful to me. The first service is older hymns and some contemporary choruses. So I picked some hymns that were easily 100 years old and others that were within the last fifty years. May sound boring, but some of the words just grab you. For instance, "how sweet to hold a newborn baby and feel the pride and joy he gives, but greater still the calm assurance this child can face uncertain days because He lives." I have four children; this means something to me. That isn't what I intended to talk about, however. The thing that got to me was the fact that I look out at the congregation while I am leading and see these strong, older men crying. I'm sorry, there is nothing more beautiful than seeing a grown man cry over something that touched his heart.
Rewind a few more days. I think that I might have mentioned a funeral that my husband and I did for a family member of a group of sisters in our church. Let me back up. Five out of seven of these sisters have been removed from their mother's home and placed into foster care. The third sister is in foster care with a couple in our church that has a grown daughter. The couple has taken on the responsibility of helping the sisters in any way that they can. Well, the dad is a CPA and sometimes receives good in trade of services, especially from long term clients. Recently he was given a boat that was somewhere on the delta and the family made plans to go see it. They were going to Stockton for the day, but the foster daughter did not want to go unless her eldest sister could come, too. The couple said that this was fine and they set out. They were seeing the boat when the eldest daughter received a horrible phone call. A hospital in Stockton was calling to say that her father was there! Talk about odd coincidences. Unfortunately, he was there because he had been beaten and was on life support. The oldest daughter had to go to the hospital and make the call to take him off life support. Now none of that sounds pretty. I just saw that God was taking care of those young ladies.
How do you honor a man that might not have been much of a man, let alone much of a father? These s did an amazing job. Their father had ually abused all of the older s. He was a drunk and had gotten sober about two years ago. He had tried to go to each of the s and tell them how sorry he was. Even though what he did was dreadfully wrong, I have seen men do things like this and never admit to anything, let alone acknowledge the damage that it causes. I thought that this took courage on his part. The s planned a funeral that was about forgiveness, both of their father and their father's er. They picked appropriate and beautiful songs. I was also touched by my husband's sermon. He talked about how Jesus was beaten... that may seem a little off given the circumstances, but all I could think of was that Jesus understood what their dad had gone through. It was extremely touching to remember that Jesus was beaten for me. I cried thinking about what not only Jesus had been through, but what the s' dad had gone through as well. No one deserves to die that way.
Anyhow, some of that might have made sense and some of it probably didn't. All I know is that my day goes better when I am focused on random things of beauty rather than all of the ugly.
Love to you all out there, Muffinhound
I'm driving to work on a street called Beale. The houses are not in great condition. The neighborhood, frankly, sucks. All of a sudden I look to my right and in front of a well-tended white house stands a woman of some indeterminate ethnicity. She stands at the fence that surrounds the property. What is beautiful about this? She is smiling. From ear to ear. It is not your ordinary smile, it is filled with peace. In that second of time, my heart lifted seeing someone that was at peace with the world and her surroundings, no matter how meager they might seem to spoiled rotten me. I wanted to pull over and ask her to include me. It was beautiful.
A little further down the road is this pink stucco house that I see almost everyday. It was not pink when I first laid eyes on it two years ago. It was grey and ugly. Hey, it is still ugly. But today I looked over and it seemed different somehow. It wasn't really ugly anymore, just worn. The pink exterior took on the look of a house that someone is trying desperately to bring back. It was no longer an eyesore. It was beautiful.
Rewind a day. I was in church on Sunday morning. Besides having a message that rocked my socks off (about Christians not just 'acting' like Christians, but 'being' Christians... God's continuity continues... see the previous blog) I got to experience really blessing the elderly folks in our congregation. As a worship leader, I can pray and pray and pray and still miss the mark with the songs that I choose. It depends on how everyone that is participating is feeling. For Sunday, since I did not know what the message was going to be beforehand, I picked songs that were meaningful to me. The first service is older hymns and some contemporary choruses. So I picked some hymns that were easily 100 years old and others that were within the last fifty years. May sound boring, but some of the words just grab you. For instance, "how sweet to hold a newborn baby and feel the pride and joy he gives, but greater still the calm assurance this child can face uncertain days because He lives." I have four children; this means something to me. That isn't what I intended to talk about, however. The thing that got to me was the fact that I look out at the congregation while I am leading and see these strong, older men crying. I'm sorry, there is nothing more beautiful than seeing a grown man cry over something that touched his heart.
Rewind a few more days. I think that I might have mentioned a funeral that my husband and I did for a family member of a group of sisters in our church. Let me back up. Five out of seven of these sisters have been removed from their mother's home and placed into foster care. The third sister is in foster care with a couple in our church that has a grown daughter. The couple has taken on the responsibility of helping the sisters in any way that they can. Well, the dad is a CPA and sometimes receives good in trade of services, especially from long term clients. Recently he was given a boat that was somewhere on the delta and the family made plans to go see it. They were going to Stockton for the day, but the foster daughter did not want to go unless her eldest sister could come, too. The couple said that this was fine and they set out. They were seeing the boat when the eldest daughter received a horrible phone call. A hospital in Stockton was calling to say that her father was there! Talk about odd coincidences. Unfortunately, he was there because he had been beaten and was on life support. The oldest daughter had to go to the hospital and make the call to take him off life support. Now none of that sounds pretty. I just saw that God was taking care of those young ladies.
How do you honor a man that might not have been much of a man, let alone much of a father? These s did an amazing job. Their father had ually abused all of the older s. He was a drunk and had gotten sober about two years ago. He had tried to go to each of the s and tell them how sorry he was. Even though what he did was dreadfully wrong, I have seen men do things like this and never admit to anything, let alone acknowledge the damage that it causes. I thought that this took courage on his part. The s planned a funeral that was about forgiveness, both of their father and their father's er. They picked appropriate and beautiful songs. I was also touched by my husband's sermon. He talked about how Jesus was beaten... that may seem a little off given the circumstances, but all I could think of was that Jesus understood what their dad had gone through. It was extremely touching to remember that Jesus was beaten for me. I cried thinking about what not only Jesus had been through, but what the s' dad had gone through as well. No one deserves to die that way.
Anyhow, some of that might have made sense and some of it probably didn't. All I know is that my day goes better when I am focused on random things of beauty rather than all of the ugly.
Love to you all out there, Muffinhound
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