A Little Bit of Ugly!

I have a friend that lives in another state and is going through a really rough patch right now. She is in the middle of a divorce that is destined to get ugly. He is a prison guard that fancies himself as far more than a corrections officer. He is "super trooper" or something lame like that.

Most institutions do not allow the employees to carry anything more than a baton, but when this, ahem, gentleman goes out in public, he wears his gun. So you don't flip out, they live in Arizona so it is quite alright to carry a gun as long as it remains visible. Then again, anyone and their mother can get a concealed weapons permit there. However, maybe the prospect of having to wear pink boxers in an un-airconditioned building in the desert is a deterrent for crime. Or maybe just the thought of meeting this ego-maniacal freak keeps them at bay. Who knows. Anyway, he wants people that see him to think that he is a police officer instead of a corrections officer.

Now my friend is not perfect. She has always been so competent that anyone could be intimidated. She could always do anything set in front of her. She is extremely intelligent and has exceptionally sharp wit. And a sharp tongue. You can expect that she will shoot straight with you. Well, when a man enters into that kind of life that whether he admits it or not has confidence and self-esteem issues, he does not need a woman that belittles him for not being able to do all of the things that come effortlessly to her. That about sums up her position.

Now for the super-fun part. This gentleman spends money like there is no tomorrow. He spent $1200, which they didn't really have, on ammo for his guns. He has a temper that is exceedingly violent. He has never hit my friend, but he has screamed at his 4 year old daughter, calling her a little "F". He has punched holes in walls and doors. He now wants custody half of the time so that he does not have to pay too much child support. He barely held his six month old baby before the divorce stuff started. They have three little girls. I am so sad for them.

Add to all of that the fact that he has cheated on her at least once. Not so sure about the first time... I was living there and he was acting weird. People had seen him about town with a girl other than my friend. Don't know... not going to assume.

I feel so bad for both of them... yes, both of them. When I met him, He was fun to be around and we would have them over all of the time. We had babies at the same time and went to movies together. We watched football and baseball together. We used to hang out and enjoy one another. My friend tried to get counseling by herself and with him. He just wasn't having it. He already has (had???) a girlfriend. Unfortunately, all of our old friends in Arizona aren't surprised. That kind of upsets me because I want to ask some of them if they knew that this might happen, why weren't they checking up on them? Why weren't they calling both of them on their crud? Marriage is a whole lot easier when you don't hang around people that blow smoke up your butt.

The other reason why this is sad is it brings into focus the thought of longevity in your own relationships. I can understand why people might say that this divorce really isn't shocking; they had been having problems for years. The reason why we couldn't be of help was that my husband did take this gentleman aside and asked him if he thought he was doing the right thing in his marriage. The guy decided not to talk to my husband and me again. Oh well on that one. However, back to my point, some marriages that you see end are seemingly happy, alive unions. They seem truly in love. They share interests and support one another. Those are the ones that really make you think... if it happened to them it could happen to me. That is a sobering thought.

I have truthfully thought about leaving my marriage and my husband is a decent guy! My problem has always been a restlessness and a need to battle my inner boredom. That's all. And my husband is really, really normal. I am a little bit myself, but I also like to do wild and fun things, too. I will hop a plane to go see a concert in another state if I have the cash. Just for fun. I like the excitement of that kind of freedom and I don't think that needs to end just because you are married. My husband has supported my fun things, but normally does not participate. The other issue was that sometime my husband is so focused on the goals in life that he almost forgets that I'm there. Hey, I'm not complaining; sometimes it's a good thing. However, sometimes it hurts.

The thing that kept me in line was that he didn't really truly do anything unforgivable to me. And that things that he was doing were not really on purpose. He was just insensitive and kind of self absorbed. Like I have never been that! And to be completely candid, the thought of being a single mom and raising four children mostly by myself really held no attraction for me. My children definitely need us both.

Wow, was that a big bunny trail! I just hope that my friends in AZ can somehow come out of this thing semi-whole. I hope that he can step up and be a decent dad and that she could be a little bit more compassionate toward his deficiencies. And really pray that he gets into some kind of anger management therapy... that is a must. I really do hope that they both get help for whatever pain they have from this. I hope that he does okay. I already know that she will.

Love to you all out there, Muffinhound