Drama Drama Drama

I am too old for drama. There is drama at work, church, and in my family life. Sucks. I'm not complaining, too much anyway, just saying.

I have never been hated more in my life than I am at this moment. In order to do my job, I have to call people on the carpet for their stuff. I am not trying to prove that I am in power; I'm just trying to hold them responsible. If I do not hold them responsible, I get in trouble. So much for the good old days when I let them hang themselves. One blissful year has passed by since I instituted that personal policy and the honeymoon is over. Calgon take me away. I love having former gang members glaring at me like they want to sell my first child to their former dealer. Sorry... that was very Thailand of me. I just wish that I could take the funeral homes up on their offers and quit this job. I know that didn't really make sense. I have funeral homes that have been asking me if I could sing for memorial services. It is good money... for fifteen minutes of my time. I am about this close to begging my husband to let me stay home and do just that. I'd rather sell tupperware at this point... that is scary.

Ahhh church... I can't get too specific about this one. I just know that my husband can be super cool and sometimes others can be complete jerks. I may not be thrilled with my husband all of the time (let's not dig too deeply on this one) but he tries so hard at everything that he does. He always wants to do whatever God wants him to do. If God told me to pick up a horn and march around a city and that the walls would fall down, I would most likely say ,"you want me to what???" My husband would say ,"Alright, let's go". There isn't a whole lot of fear in him. I get so mad when he is held back by other people's fear. I think that is about all that I will say at this moment. I left church yesterday because I was so livid. I'm okay now. Just slightly bitter! I'm alright, the Lord is dealing with me on this one.

Families can be our most contentious relationships and mine is no exception. Right now I could cheerfully say mean things and throw animal hand signals (and disrespectful words) at my dad. I can't think of all of the things that I would like to say to him and my mother. My brother, however, will help me let cooler heads prevail. I won't say a word. Literally. I will not talk to them again. Last month my mom, dad, husband and I sat down to lay out ground rules for how we would deal with each other. My parents broke three of those ground rules in less than five minutes. AND my dad brought up something out of my past that I haven't done for over ten years! I told him that he was hateful and that he wouldn't see us again. Now I have to live it. It still hurts... I wish my parents did not still have the power to hurt me this way, but there is still a little girl in here that would like them to at least be a little pleased with me. Oh well... it will never happen.

So this is my life right now. I wish that my husband and I could hop a plane and go to Italy like we are planning. Today would be nice. I have decided that I never want to own a home if it means that I can't do anything else in life. So I think that I will start travelling more. I'm not hurting anyone by running. That is what this is anyway. I'm fine with me... I just don't want to get hurt by stupid people anymore. I've had enough. I've probably said more than enough, too.

Love to all (most) of you out there, Muffinhound